Refresh :)

I’ve been doing some subtle changes here and there.

            I changed my profile picture and cover photo on Facebook though it doesn’t really do me justice in ‘starting afresh’. It’s useless, I know, but somehow a part of me just wants to change it all so that it won’t remind me of what and who I had lost.

            A few days had passed since he left me. I’m just trying to live as usual, always keeping a happy face, smiling all the time and pretending like it all never happened. It’d be a lie if I say my mind doesn’t wander back to our memories, if my hands don’t itch to click that one button to view our pictures on the computer, if my heart doesn’t yearn for his presence.

            I really want to view our pictures but I’m afraid that the sight would bring a fresh wave of pain. I’m afraid that I would crumble down alone, with no one to help me get up again.

            I hear people say that the first cut is the deepest. This ‘cut’ is the third and I figured out it wouldn’t hurt much.

            Maybe that’s true… though it hurts just the same. Being broken up with by someone you love is not something that you can get used to no matter how many times you go through it. It hurts and it will always hurt.

            Though I believe myself to be fine without him, I still look for him wherever I go. I hope he would suddenly appear again even if I can only look at him from afar.

            I still wonder about him. Does he miss the one girl he left behind? Does he miss the talks we used to have? Does he miss the memories we created together and the moments we used to hold on to? Does he miss me at all?

I do feel lonely but I try to bask in the loneliness and do things I like – things which I had almost forgotten. I finished reading one of my favourite novels, I updated my book full of quotes, and I play around with my nephews and nieces as they say that kids are the natural entertainer for the heart.

I’m young and life out there has much, much, much more to offer. I’ll meet lots, lots, lots and lots of guys out there and I’ll find one in the crowd that deserves my love.

You know, Super Junior didn’t sing ‘Sexy, Free and Single’ for nothing! *wink* :)