Home is my place

I was away for a few days,maybe even a week or two weeks,I can't say since I lost track of time...
I stayed at my favourite aunt's house and I was very happy since i like her house and she has lots of cats and bla bla bla....
Anyway,happy as I am..I suddenly feel....well,I miss my family and all those times I wanted to stay away from my family and home..well,I can't believe that I have felt that way before because I was HOMESICK.


My aunt's house is very quite while my house is very noisy and I was relieved once I took my first step away from home.I wanted to get away from all the noise and chaos and just lead a calm life.


I was wrong. I did lead a calm life but...sometimes,I feel too lonely without my nephew and nieces screaming their heads off. I was eager to return home and now I AM HOME.

I'm glad I'm home.Home is my place,after all~

NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER

Hello!
I just got back from watching the latest installment of Narnia and I have to say,it was great!
I never like animation and this kind of magical movies before but Narnia changed it all!!!
By the way,Prince Caspian and Edmund are really cute and that's a plus!
Too bad Peter and Susan weren't in on the adventure but the cousin,Eustace was a good addition.Eustace and the mouse did quite a pair.Their bickerings are very entertaining.

At first,when Edmund and Caspian found Eustace's burnt clothes and diary,I thought he was dead but- SUPRISE!!!- he changed into a dragon and helped the Narnians.At least he did something productive because all Eustace did before was rant on and on but it was entertaining.

The small mouse whose name I never learn will never appear after this as he has entered Aslan's country. Once you enter Aslan's country,there is no turning back!!! Anyway,Caspian did asked if his father was in Aslan's country but all Aslan said was Caspian should go in and find it for himself but he didn't.His father died and it was his turn to rule Narnia. If he goes after hid father,everything his father had done would be pointless...

Anyway,without Caspian in the next installment,the movie wouldn't be great right?Well,not without that handsome face of his!!!

If i'm not mistaken,there are 7 books in the Chronicles of Narnia and I am sure this wouldn't be the last movie.

I have to pay an extra dollar as this movie is a new released and every penny is worth it. I haven't tell you everything yet...

You can add you comments and ask me about it!!!

Farewell~Narnians!!!

My Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5ekB4l-6wg

It's a link to the latest song of 2NE1...the song is really great.it gives me spirit and it'll totally go into my MP3!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUBs42c08UI

Here is another one.'Mistake' by So Nyoh Shi Dae(SNSD)/Girls' Generation.

This song touches my heart and it reminds me of someone who had been so special in my life before and no.he's not family~

I wouldn't tell what happened or how it happened but just enough to say that he was the first one in my life~

I believe in the power of love and I believe in 1st love but I never thought it can happen to anyone at such a young age but it happens and I'm just one of the victims...

I thought I was over him but guess what? I tracked him down on Facebook and I added him.I become his friend without him knowing it is me(I hope he doesn't know.I don't want him to know...)

You see,I did something so horrible and bad and shameful and it caused me a great deal of pain till I feel like it's really hard to breathe...and I can't talk about it without feeling the pain and regret. The scar left a thousand bittersweet memories~

I thought I am over him but I was wrong.Somehow,I still like him.Not waiting,but watching,wanting to know if he's happy.I talked this over with a good friend of mine and she confirms that I am still in love with him.Or,I still love him.

I don't want to love him anymore...I want to be free of him...I don't want to walk under his shadows anymore...I want to like someone else as much as I like him but I can't seem to find that other guy...I wonder why?Oh yeah,because I still live under his shadows which is really disappointing. I want to break free~

I wonder if loving him is a mistake?He made me feel like never before and I really like that.It's hard for me to say that it's a mistake but I think that's what it is-a mistake.

A mistake then...but I'll keep thinking, and until then,I'll keep on living as usual. I just hope it won't be under his shadows anymore~

Annyeong~

Should I forgive him?

Well,in 'Life as it is' post,I wrote about my dad and he was supposed to come today and he didn't come.He needs to sign some important papers and he's not making any thing easier.That totally pissed me off.

Anyway,he didn't come.Instead,my step mother came for him.She admits that it's hard to talk some sense into my dad's head and I didn't know he was that hard.Well,I never really knew him.Doesn't matter anyway.

I talked with a friend on Facebook and he read my status (I didn't get a chance to scream at my biological dad and that is frustrating because I want to make him see what he did!ARGHH!!!) and he says that I should have a heart-to-heart talk with him and I should forgive him..Haha..A what talk?Like he's going to listen to me!


Anyway...trying to forgive him and forget what he did is not easy for me to forgive or forget.What he did is not just a petty crime but a big one.How many years had he spent away from my mom and me?He's 72 now and never once did he ask for my forgiveness.I think my mom would jump from her grave and give him a good kick in the gut if she sees him.I love my mom more than anything and I can't accept all he did.

I just can't.it's hard.Maybe time can change how I feel.

Life as it is

Life...ever wonder what that is?Well,I can't really say either...I am only God's creature and He knows it all...I am still young and there are more to life that I haven't experienced yet but lots of things have happened to me in these past few years.When I was 9,my mother passed away and I never grew up with a real father by my side.I do have a father,but to be honest,his existence doesn't make even the slightest change in my life.


I do love my mother so much and it came as a shock to me when she passed away.I didn't know that what you called as a 'frozen blood' in the head can be so dangerous.My mother was in a bad condition after the accident which caused her death.Even if she lived,maybe she'd be crippled but I love her nonetheless.


I hope I don't have to use the past tense when I'm talking or writing about Mom but that's the truth I have to accept.She's no longer here but she'll always be in my heart.Forever.


Anyway,I'm in the hospital accompanying my cousin sister who had an operation on 1st December.The hospital has a nice view of Kuala Lumpur with KLCC and KL Tower all light up.I'm meeting my Dad tomorrow and I don't know why the thought of meeting him makes my stomach churned...Maybe it is the separation that caused this.


To be honest,I don't know what to do when I see him.Should I assist him?Or should I yell at him or worse,should I punch him in the face?I hate him...sort of.


You see,he has never been a good father,let alone ever being a father to me.He's never there when I need him.He hurts my mom and me for a good long time and now he wants to take away what rightfully belongs to my mom and me and the hell I'm going to let that happen!


Maybe he can get away now,but when I am 18 I'll take everything away(things that belong to my mom and me) and left him penniless...now,that should teach him some lesson.to some people,it may sounds mean...really mean but what about the things he did to us?Sure,I am very thankful to him because without him,I wouldn't be here.Yeah,sure,he's old and has repent but can that give me the years that my mom and me live without him-without a husband and a father?I'm not just talking about his presence in our life,but he did absolutely nothing to help my mom whether it's financially or not.If he can't help me now since he's old and he had helped me when he was young...well,maybe I can forgive him but he did absolutely nothing since I was conceived.Cain i easily forgive him?


Allah,forgive me for ranting on and on and forgive me for saying all this but You know and understand me...
Thank you Allah!