Lonely Without You

I am alone.

But being alone is not the same as being lonely.

There are times when I want to ask him to come back but my pride holds me back each time. For that, I’m glad because if he left once, the he’ll leave again. Soon.

I know better than to sit around and wait for someone who wouldn’t come. He is far away now – in my mind’s eye. I need to pick up the thread of my life, pick up from where he left me and start again from scratch. I should not be sad. After all, this isn’t the first time.

First time?

I was wrong. This is the first time – that he left me.

Whenever I hear the song that we used to listen to, I wonder if he’s listening to the same song or if he even remembers how special this song was to us. How special this song IS to me.

Whenever I see a couple walking down the street with their hands intertwined together, I wonder if he still remembers the times we used to do just that. I wonder if he remembers how it was when I put my hand in his or when I look into his eyes and told him I love him. I wonder.

Whenever I came across our pictures, I wonder if he still keeps them. Has he thrown away our pictures? Has he burned them? What about my gifts? Does he still have it? Or did he pack it for Goodwill? Has he thrown away or burned everything? Did he do that to our memories, too?

It’s so hard to walk away and it’s so hard to explain this feeling. I remember him, because everything that had happened is still new. I still remember it with perfect clarity, to the point where it hurts.

Breaking up with him feels so wrong but I was wronged and it was the only right thing to do. Because there is no girl in this world who wants to be cheated on.