Wish You're Here

I know. I know. I know.
I know I broke off with Min Jun. I don't miss him. But I miss the time I spent with him.
I fell in love again. That love hurts so much. All I could think right now is: If Min Jun is here with me, I wouldn't have gotten hurt this way. 


Life is really ironic. One day, you're all crazy about him and then you swore you don't even like him after he did some shit to you and then you broke down the next day, swearing that you've liked him all these times even when he hurt you so much.
I told you already, LIFE IS IRONIC.


There's a song that I love to listen to.
It's a very nice song which expresses all the feelings bottles up inside me.

Yes, I wanna be lost in love.

Yes, I wanna be your dream come true.

Yes, I want you to call me beautiful.

Yes, I want you to love me.

No, I don't want you to leave me.

The Turns Life Takes

In life, many things happens. Things you don't even predict would happen sometimes just happens.

You think you are in love, but sometimes it turns out that you are wrong.

Relationships that you thought would last - be it a relationship with a boyfriend, or best friend - sometimes breaks off in the middle of the journey. 

Sometimes there are just nothing you can do to change some things.

I was still chasing after Min Jun after we broke off. Well, not exactly chasing, but hoping. I thought I would get better as time passed but somehow, my heart didn't want to let him go.

I kept hoping that he would come back... even if it's not back to me. His presence is enough to make me smile even as my heart ached inside.

He did come back. He came back to warn me off; he wanted me to stop pinning after him, and he sent me a message asking me to move on and forget about him as I deserve better. He wanted us to be back to how we were before: strangers.

Seems like he's getting cuter.

It seems that after he 'slapped' me, I am able to move on. In fact, I am having a crush on someone else right now. This new guy is totally different from my ex. This new guy makes me smile, and makes a garden bloom in my heart. I feel happy again after such a long time of misery.

Nothing is happening between us, and I doubt anything will happen. He and I are a world apart.

There are lessons to be learned from all that we had been through in life.

I don't look for love anymore, not really, and I don't run after love. I just let it happen naturally.

Love just happens... that is why it is called Falling In Love.

Right now, I just wanna be with someone who loves me for who I am, who accepts me for who I am... I just want to be with someone who deserves my love.

LOVE.LOVE.LOVE.

No More Try, You and I

Gwak Min Jun

I came back to tell you to stop thinking of me and move on. I don't want you to bother Hwae Ji anymore, not that she said that, I just felt that way. so please, forget everything about me. I know you deserve better. I've moved on and I'm happy and I hope you will do so too. we can never get back together, ok? I'll deactivate this for good and I won't come back anymore. you can bad mouth me all you want, if it makes you feel better. I'm deeply sorry for everything and I hope that you can forgive me and go back to where we were before, strangers. thats all. I'm sorry.

 ·  · See Friendship · 21 hours ago


What he sent to me via Facebook.

What I sent to him:

Kim Hyun Jae

‎Gwak Min Jun Know this one thing before I tell you the rest: I ask Hwae Ji about you NOT because I want to get back with you, but it's just that I care, and honestly I missed you.
I am trying very hard to move on and I am moving on actually~ Maybe I'm not 100% better but I'm getting there. There's no problem about being strangers again, because in a way, we have always been strangers. I don't want us to end on a bad note this time, OK? I mean, let's end it in a good way. I am sorry for all I've done. Goodbye.Thanks a lot Jambu =)

 ·  · 11 minutes ago




God knows it actually hurts.
Thanks a lot Min Jun. I guess this is the eternal end of you and me.

No more try you and I. Thanks a lot.

FINAL: LIKE A MOVIE

It's over now. I have learn to accept the fact that it's over.
It shouldn't hurt now, not when time had passed. I should feel better, not like how I am feeling right now.
I miss him... a bit. I miss our times.
Yesterday, I saw someone that looks 90% like him.
 I thought perhaps that could be a sign for us to get back together. I was wrong. EVERYTHING IS FINAL NOW

I can't help but put the memories on rewind, playing it over and over in my head. Just like a movie.

THE END

16^th June 2011

I broke up with him.

It was my decision to end things with him because I was tired of all of this. I was tired of waiting for him when it seems like he’d never come back. I was tired of loving him when he would never love me… or so it seemed.

After the fight we had, he somehow… changed. No more love wall posts, no more talking about me on his status. I know that these reasons are really stupid, but these little things hurt.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t end things with him this time around, but I did anyway. I didn’t think I can wait anymore. I was tired of waiting, hoping for something that would never happen. I wasn’t really planning to break up with him, even though that thought had been nagging my mind for some times. It was just… something I did on the spot.

I gave it some thought and figured that if I would be kept waiting in the dark, and that we didn’t really know each other, and it’s a fact that we wouldn’t last, so why waste the precious time? I should let him go so he can find someone better than me, someone that can love him in a way I never could. I couldn’t help but ask myself… ‘What have I done?’, ‘Did I really break up with him?’ and that kind of questions. I didn’t care anymore, and I don’t think the world cares, so why not get on with it?

I did like him but everything I did felt more like obligations than tasks that I would do because I love him. I felt trapped. I felt lonely… like I was single. I thought, ‘If I feel like I’m single, then why don’t I get on with it and be single for real?’ Then it wouldn’t hurt for me to do anything a girlfriend just can’t do.

I walked around just to come full circle, right at the beginning. Now that I’ve let him go sincerely, I feel calm… happy, almost. It didn’t hurt like I thought it would, but maybe that was because the love is gone. It doesn’t matter; a love from him can be replaced with many other. There are other fishes in the sea that would suit me best. It amazes me how happy, and calm… and free I feel. I don’t have to think of him anymore.

I thank him for the memories, and everything he had said to make me happy. I thank him for everything he did.

It’s not you, Min Jun. It’s just me. It’s not what you did but what you didn’t do. It wasn’t your fault that everything has to end this way. I’m sorry that our love story has to end this way. I want you to know that I’ve never lied about my love for you, not even once. I loved you for real. I’m sorry for hurting you but I am hurting, too. Thank you so much for the memories. Live happily, Min Jun. You deserve happiness. You belong together with Hwae Ji and maybe that’s one of the reasons why we can never last. We’re just not made for each other.

Love, Kim Ji Young

Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.

Bye bye Min Jun.

I love you.

Not gonna....?

12^th June 2011

Well, oh well, turned out I wasn’t going to break up with him!

Life is just too surprising sometimes…

Anyway, I am quite happy that I did not break up with him… yet. I know I can’t let him go yet. I have to get things in check though. I need to save money, and that means LESS or NO trips to the Internet Café. But… I have to keep my relationship in check, too.

I don’t want him to get mad at me… but at the same time I can’t be ‘there’ for him every day. I guess I just have to talk things through with him. I don’t know… somehow I was relieved that I am still his girlfriend, but at the same time, it just… I don’t know. It sucks, I guess, because I feel OBLIGED to do this and that just FOR HIM. Tell me, is it worth it?

I want to take a break from all these things but how can I? I mean, not with him around. I love him, alright. I think I do.

Anyway, it’s going to hurt when everything ends… it’s going to hurt so much I might want to… to… to… scream and run and… and… and not think about anything at all(I am trying not to exaggerate here…). 

I don’t know what to say… or what to do.

Of all the things he wrote, only one sentence stuck in my mind.

“Let’s take a break.” Oh God, what could that mean? Was he asking for a break up?

I did not log on to Facebook for a week, and my mind and my heart had been in turmoil. I kept wondering what he’d say to me… I missed him so much it actually hurts.

Honestly, I do not expect to spend the rest of my life with him but I do not want to leave him either. He’s the one I think about most of the time.

When I did log on to Facebook and saw those words, my heart just… I don’t know? Break? I feel something deep in my bone marrow, and it made me worry. I went to my tuition but I could hardly concentrate. I kept pondering over what he wrote and I couldn’t imagine how my life would be without him…

He used to love me so much… at least that was how it seemed like but now… it seems like everything’s… GONE. I kept writing on his wall, telling him how much I love him, and not just once, or twice… but lots of times since I’m going to be offline for a long, long time. Guess what I got? He just commented on a wall post and to hell with the rest. There’s not even one post from him on my Facebook wall…

Maybe this is a sign that he doesn’t love me anymore… right?

It seems like there wasn’t even a moment of peace after I read his comment. I came home from class and eat my late night dinner silently. I did not talk to either my sister or brother. God, I feel so… down. I didn’t even care about the 2011 Dream Concert at all (I wanted to watch that concert so much since I’m a big fan of KPOP and most idols are going to perform).

I practically forced myself to watch the concert so that I can sleep with happy thoughts for the night. It was hard to concentrate on what I was watching and listening to. My heart hurts so much, my head kept spinning round and round and I couldn’t stop worrying about what would happen to us.

The concert did cheer me up a bit. I wasn’t ready to sleep yet, because I wasn’t feeling good yet so I watched a funny episode of ‘2 Days and 1 Night’. Man, it was funny and I had a good laugh!

I went to sleep with a happy heart that night. I pushed all the nagging thoughts out of my mind and decided I wouldn’t care about any of those crap.

The next day, I log on to Facebook again but I didn’t receive any reply from him… yet. Ok then, I’ll keep on waiting.

I checked my friends’ wall, and it hurts so much to see that he could write on someone else’s wall, but how could he not write on mine? I mean, I’m his girlfriend… shouldn’t he at least say something?

Gosh, is he asking for a break up? Is he SILENTLY asking for a break up? That thought hurts.

I should’ve known it would turn out like this. I know we would end one day, but please, please, not now. I don’t know why, but I’m not ready to let him go… Not yet. I know I’ve hurt him, but I’m hurting, too. Why couldn’t he see that?

I think the best thing to do is let him go but since I’m not ready, I’ll just keep holding on… to… this relationship. I have to admit, I think I’m holding on by a thread. I think it wouldn’t be long until I fall.

I think a break up is not something you could… ever be prepared for… I mean, not for real, I guess. I don’t know. I’m talking crap now.

Whatever happens… I’ll just… keep holding on, I suppose. I mean, this is not the end of life, right? So, it doesn’t really matter. I’ll just… keep holding on. =)

Written on:

11^th June 2011